Our customers

My time at the Mexican restaurant is almost over. I’ve been serving people for about a year now, and this is my take on the customers that patronize us.

The American family
Usually seen on Saturday lunch. Looking for a taste of home and a menu they can understand. They’re afraid of how spicy the food might be, and the kids invariably eat quesadillas. The dad starts getting hammered on Saturday at noon.

The boss
Foreign or Japanese, this is the boss that takes their team for a night out. Laid back, traveled, and sometimes with a sense of humor. They are known for pushing people to drink, and making their way through the tequila list on the company’s dime. Usually seen on Wednesday nights.

The girl at the office who got dragged along
Little Mayumi had better plans for after work, but her boss and co-workers bullied her into joining the team for a night out. She sits on a corner and makes little conversation. While her co-workers are busy drinking themselves to the ground, she orders an iced tea and distributes the food. Her only joy comes at the end of the meal when she orders a slice of cake and a latte.

The US military
The most thankful customers ever. Usually stationed in some remote corner of Japan, they come every few months to Tokyo and the military puts them in a hotel down the road. We’re a wet dream for them, with service and menus in English and food they recognize. Most reliable tippers.

Expat investment bankers on dates
Young and cocky with a gorgeous date attached to them. They pay with platinum or black American express cards, and cannot stop checking their blackberries.

English teachers on dates
Young and cocky, but without the financial resources of the investment banker to back their act up.

Ladies who lunch (American)
The wives of successful husbands who gave everything up to come to Japan. They stick to themselves and the small area of Tokyo where service in English is available. Come for lunch to talk about their children and exchange tips on getting a good Filipino nanny.

Ladies who lunch (French)
Same as American ladies who lunch, except that they drink wine and tell dirty jokes.

People who’ve been to Latin America
Usually come dressed in some bizarre piece of clothing they acquired through their travels. They come with friends or dates to impress them and insist on reminding us of the great dishes that are not on the menu. Most annoying if they want to order in Spanish but only speak five words.

People who want to go to Latin America
Usually young Japanese who are obsessed with Latin America. They bought an overpriced poncho to look the part, and are dreaming of a long road trip throughout the continent. They ask questions about every picture on the walls and will believe almost anything that comes out of our mouths (it’s totally safe to travel through the Colombian mountains!).

Embassy workers
They thrive on predictability. Tried everything on the menu a year ago, and are now settled into a routine where they eat the same thing two-three times per week. (One chicken burrito, please).